A Tribute To Lilly.

I never thought I could be this happy, but I am! Sometimes good things come in unexpected packages; This is my story...

I stood across the room, quietly taking in the scene. Anyone seeing me looking serene and beautiful in my lovely, gown, with my exquisite necklace hanging “just so” would think “wow! SHE’S got it so together” “but, they would have been so wrong, because the the chaos that was at this moment, reigning supremely over my messed up thoughts”…  ‘Looking fabulous as usual’  Nene trilled as she walked by with her usual laissez-faire attitude. I  just had to laugh, because there was no one just quite like Nene…  Usually, at this point, she would have grabbed my arm saying in sotto voice “let’s go rock their world”! and we would’ve started making the rounds of the room together. But today my heart was heavy even as I laughed and clinked glasses, while mouthing meaningless social niceties, successfully projecting my façade of absolute serenity and contentment with the world - the fake world of self-preservation that I now lived. The façade firmly in place that sent the message that no matter what anyone thought, everything was “all right” in my world.
 

But not everything was all right in my world… This was supposed to have been me! This was meant to have been my life, but it was snatched away from me!!! I turned away so that no one would see the ugliness spilling out from my heart, marring my beautifully made-up visage… Hello, darling, another one chirped as she walked by ... My ever-loyal  boyfriend came over and wrapped his strong arms around my shoulders,  which typically would have made me feel much more secure, but today it had absolutely no effect whatsoever.   Dear God!!!, But I did everything right! I did what I was supposed to do!! I was who I was expected to be!!! I prayed, I believed… Why did things turn out the way they did! Why is he the one who seems to have everything together, and I the one who seemingly has nothing to speak of, the one who has nothing to put together to send to my relatives in a  greeting card to make them go awww…   'Oh my God, he's coming over!' ... I tried valiantly to keep things together, but I felt myself losing the battle. As I  turned around to  walk out of the banquet hall, for fear of breaking down completely, and spoiling my big moment, (with my name just about to be announced as the major award recipient for the evening), I heard HIS voice speak to  me in a way that stopped me in my tracks…   Slowly I turned around, my tears quickly drying up, my shoulders  squaring, and I stood taller… All because of the words He'd just whispered in my ear. This was it! This was the validation I’d been waiting for - This was what made everything clear to me … I am loved!   'Hello! It's been a while...'   It didn't matter anymore that he was married! It didn't matter anymore that he had his brood of children, and it didn't matter anymore and that I was the one who was right, and he was the one who had been wrong. Everything was OK now… everything was finally the way it should be …  

Later that night lying in my comfortable bed, I basked in the light of His love, reminiscing on the beauty of the evening and honor that had been bestowed upon me …. I was finally content. My world was finally right side up! I turned over, my eyes catching on the twinkle of my new engagement ring sparkling in the twilight… The one that almost never was because of how high of a fortress I had built around my heart… The wall that came crashing down today… I sighed and closed my eyes …. And the last words I heard just before I drifted off to sleep, were the words that He had spoken into my ear earlier that evening, the words that had made all the difference, and totally healed my bruised and battered soul … ‘My child do you for one moment imagine that I love him more than I love you? That I would favor him above you? Rest in my love… I  LOVE YOU, and I have a plan for you that will very soon be revealed to you… rest in my love’   Yes, with those words everything melted away - The hurt, the anger,  the bitterness, the feeling of being the one left out in the cold… I  laughed! Oh YES! It had undoubtedly been revealed .. I reached over picked up my ring and slid it onto my finger…   The lullaby that rocked me to sleep that night was the old chorus:  ‘Yes Jesus loves me, yes Jesus loves me, yes Jesus loves me for the  Bible tells me so … I rested.  

  Blessed is she who is loved, for she shall love and shall be loved in return...

© AdePero Mettabel, November 24, 2012

The Quest of questionable questions By Mettabel Okulaja

One of the greatest foes I face every day in this world is the self-deprecating voice of human reasoning that seeks to rationalize my dreams away. The one that always comes with questions that seek to undermine my identity, my dreams, my hopes and my aspirations... that voice that insidiously insinuates itself into the portals of my contemplation, the one who comes whispering:


The Voice of Reason: “You don't seriously think that you can do this do you?

That voice to which when I then say “Oh yes I can!”

As the scene unfolds:

 The Voice of Reason: “Oh yeah? So HOW are you going to get it done?”

 My Heart: “I’ll find His way, and I’ll walk the path laid out for me.”

 The Voice of Reason: “Find the way to do exactly WHAT? … Seeing that you think you are so smart!”

 My Heart: “Then smart I must be, for God has birthed in me, that which makes my heart burn and that for which my heart beats… That’s WHAT I’ll do”.

 The Voice of Reason: “Your passion may burn, but WHEN will you find the time to do it? And HOW are you ever going to be able to swing it?”

My Heart: ”By God’s grace I will be strengthened, with His help I will prevail!”

The Voice of Reason: “Well I’m the voice of reason… and I ask: WHAT will you do if you crash and burn? And WHERE will you go if THEY scoff and scorn?”

My Heart: “Back to the One who has the master plan. Thankfully the draughtsman is never greater than his Chief Architect, back to the drawing board I’ll go!”

Then the final thrust aimed at decimation…

The Voice of Reason: ” Why do you even bother? Haven’t you failed enough times?”

My Heart: “I may have failed many times, but no rejoicing for you just yet, for I have learned through The Word and Life that if I fall, I’ll rise again strengthened from within. Just so, you know, make no mistake, and you mark my words, THIS time I win, for He works in me to WILL and to DO. By this, I am assured, and I am fully persuaded that all that has been, was part of his plan; that for THIS cause do all my cells exist!”

Away with you for this I surely know, that…

… He knows the way that I take; When He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold.

Job 23:10

So… Do not rejoice over me, my enemy; When I fall, I will arise; When I sit in darkness, The Lord will be a light to me.

Micah 7:8

For this I know…

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Philippians 4:13

The end, for now…



© AdePero Mettabel O 03/27/13.

Indescribable...

I was watching a YouTube video on Quantum Mechanics, and the String Theory and these scriptures started coming to mind. I could not help but be awed by GOD!

He is indeed as Chris Tomlin sang:
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untameable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God

The Word testifies of our God, who is indescribably massive, awesome, holy, powerful, uncontainable by matter, time or space. Dwelling in pure light that illuminates our minuscule world for moments in time. How galactically omnipotent you are oh GOD! Above all things, yet around and in all things great and small, seen and unseen, past, present and future, fused and broken down, concealed and revealed, HOW GREAT THOU ART!!!






WORDS ARE NOT ENOUGH, YET THEY ARE ALL WE HAVE, TO MAGNIFY AND EXALT YOU AS GOD!

Even this You understand:
D&*YJFHKJFgH#@^jgfglbfdF!~)nfbGJngf++)u7h!

So today all my uncertainties, my heart's cries, my incoherency, my thoughts, my plans, my un-plans, and my life, I submit to your Sovereignty, my most supreme and excellent GOD!
Oh Lord my God, YAHWEH is your name, and will always be Your name!

Psalm 8:3-6
3
When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers,
The moon and the stars, which You have ordained,
4
What is man that You are mindful of him,
And the son of man that You visit him?
5
For You have made him a little lower than the angels,[a]
And You have crowned him with glory and honor.
6
You have made him to have dominion over the works of Your hands;
You have put all things under his feet,

Hebrews 11:3
3 By faith we understand that the WORLDS were framed by the word of God, so that the things which are seen were not made of things which are visible.

2 Corinthians 4:18
18 while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.

Colossians 1:15-16
15 He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. 16 For by Him all things were created that are in heaven and that are on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or principalities or powers. All things were created through Him and for Him.

John 1:1-3
1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was in the beginning with God. 3 All things were made through Him, and without Him nothing was made that was made.

Job 38:1-7
1
Then the Lord answered Job out of the whirlwind, and said:
2
“Who is this who darkens counsel
By words without knowledge?
3
Now prepare yourself like a man;
I will question you, and you shall answer Me.
4
“Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?
Tell Me, if you have understanding.
5
Who determined its measurements?
Surely you know!
Or who stretched the line upon it?
6
To what were its foundations fastened?
Or who laid its cornerstone,
7
When the morning stars sang together,
And all the sons of God shouted for joy?

Colossians 1:16-17
16 For by Him all things were created that are in heaven and that are on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or principalities or powers. All things were created through Him and for Him. 17 And He is before all things, and in Him all things consist.

The Six Fastest Ways To Die

The six fastest ways to die according to the book of Genesis:

1. The first of the six fastest ways to die is to question what God has said - Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say...” This inquiry was the question posed to woman by the serpent (of note first question ever recorded after creation).

2. The next of the six fastest ways to die is to engage in dialogue about God's sovereignty, with the devil based on sensual analysis rather than declaring God’s will by revelation knowledge and spiritual judgment.

The serpent launched his first missile by the stimulation and titillation of woman's senses. The first sense that was stimulated by the serpent was the sense of hearing. A well-timed blow aimed at the sense of sight quickly followed this first attack and this (in combination with the former) resulted in the creation of an image. An image which when imprinted on the woman's mind led to focused action based on the analysis of the input from auditory and visual sensing. This process is clearly evidenced by woman reaching out to take the fruit, smelling the fruit on its way to her mouth, and ultimately tasting the fruit. All of the five senses willfully engaged – hearing, sight, touch, smell, and taste - Woman lived, or rather died by her senses.

"… For we walk by faith and not by sight."

"There is a way that seems right unto man, but the end thereof is destruction."

"But I say unto you, that whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart."

Note that Satan's methods have not changed. He pretty much follows his usual modus operandi by posing questions to Jesus in the wilderness and rather than Jesus engaging in dialogue with the devil, (which quote and would have led to sin), He effectively silenced him with the phrase

"It is written…"

3. The third fastest way to die is to disobey God.

4. The fourth of the six fastest ways to die is to attempt to cover up the consequences of sin with self-righteousness.

The fig leaf is a symbolic representation of righteousness. The fact that man and woman covered themselves with these leaves effectively drove another nail into their proverbial coffin.

5. The fifth of the six fastest ways to die is to run and hide from God making excuses for why sin was committed rather than running towards Him, freely confessing sins committed.

"And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden."

6. And the sixth of the six fastest ways to die (the last but not the least) is to love, esteem, and place preeminence on, obey and swear allegiance to the created rather than The Creator.

"Then the man said, “The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate.”

Adam knew that Woman had eaten of the forbidden fruit, and she was sure to die. But he however willfully and knowingly chose to eat the fruit when she offered it to him because he chose to die with, and for the 'created', rather than to live forever with The Creator, who paradoxically had the power to raise her up from death because she was formed from man - Selah.

"Do you not know that to whom you present yourselves slaves to obey, you are that one’s slaves whom you obey, whether of sin leading to death, or of obedience leading to righteousness?"

And so my friends even though I have enumerated six of the fastest ways to die (and I am sure you know that I mean spiritual rather than merely physical death) that you can take to the bank and cash out, there is only one way to live, and that Way is entirely embedded in the first of the 10 Commandments:

"I Am The Lord Thy God! Thou shalt have no other gods but Me".

The only way to Life Eternal is to obey Him and for man and woman to obey him would have meant eating from every tree in the garden with the exception of the tree of knowledge of good and evil but most certainly including The Tree of Life.

The Beginning.

You’re Beautiful It’s True…

We sometimes spend so much time thinking, worrying, fretting, feeling sad or happy about what someone or certain 'someones' think or feel about us, that we become blinded to our own beautiful worth, and fail to appreciate the beauty of the of the One who from mere dust created the living, breathing amazingly complex wonder that makes up you, you, you and I...

As we appreciate the fact that Jesus is risen to live forever on a day much like the one we just celebrated, let us also remember that as we honor Him by loving Him, OURSELVES and our neighbor, WE who also after His likeness, He raised from dust, can begin to live our lives gloriously. Yes! Live life without shame and without fear, for there is therefore now NO CONDEMNATION, NONE my darlings, NONE... As He asks you "where are your accusers?" and then says to you "Neither do I condemn you, Go, and from now on sin no more."

He is The Resurrection and the Life!!!

I am a virtuous woman… Can you handle me?

A friend and I were conversing one day, and at the end, the conclusion we arrived at was that though many men pray to marry a virtuous woman, it is a challenge for many to handle such a woman. Such men have grown up seeing women in subjugative roles and when they come face to face with these godly breed of women, in an attempt to fit them into their preconceived molds, they then often decimate the answer by making it their life's aim to break what they deem a rebellious woman’s will. They may then declare that their wives are not submissive when they dare to have an opinion; are not humble for presuming to stand up for what they believe. Summarily deciding that they are not fulfilling their God-given roles if they dare to use their brains in enterprise. It is not unusual for these men, with a tragic lack of understanding to use all that is in their power to 'break' their woman's spirit into ‘submissiveness.'
Some others while they place their partner on an equal footing, may still not fully tap into the wells of potential that she has to offer. And while the union on the surface appears ideal, there is yet much left undiscovered.
My interest in this topic was piqued by what Jesus said in the story of the woman with the issue of blood when he said: " Somebody has touched me for I perceive the virtue is come out of me." I then began to wonder if this word was the same one referenced in Proverbs 31. I did a word study, and the fact that they were indeed from the same root word set me on entirely new trajectory regarding the power and wisdom embedded in these words.
Let us examine this word virtuous as described in Strong's concordance and dictionary in the context of Scripture
Strong's H2428 - chayil
חַיִל
Transliteration
chayil
Pronunciation
khah'·yil (Key)

Outline of Biblical Usage
1) Might, efficiency, wealth, army

1. a) Strength

1. b) Ability

1. c) Wealth

1. d) Force

What a revelation this was to me! What this indicates is that a virtuous woman is a woman of strength, might, efficiency, character and a woman of wealth. In essence, she is a one-unit military level army!
So to describe a virtuous woman as one who is pious yet insipid, timid, helpless, and solely dependent on her man for sustenance and industry would be such a wrong assumption as to be entirely inaccurate in light what scripture has said concerning the virtuous woman.
The Bible does not present the picture of a woman with an arrogant know-it-all attitude, and there is no indication that such a woman is a rebellious, un-submissive, and sinful woman. Which, unfortunately, may be the way society describes her today.
This woman stands 100% behind her man, and as the Bible says, seeks to do him good, and not evil, all the days of her life.
Proverbs 31:11,12
11 The heart of her husband doth safely trusts in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
Such a woman honors her husband as the head of the home.Such a woman conducts herself with excellence and wisdom and also presents her household in the best possible light.
So the question posed by King Solomon was: A virtuous woman - who can find such a one? For her price is far above rubies.
So I adjure all you godly men out there - when you find a virtuous woman, do not make her ‘un-virtuous’ by suppressing her God-given strengths and abilities. Do not make her ‘un-virtuous’ by accusing her of wanting to take over your role as 'the man'. Do not make her ‘un-virtuous’ by putting her down at every opportunity, because by so doing, you may truncate the supreme blessing God has placed in your life to help make you great – a man who is respected in the gates.
Again a strong, efficient, industrious, hard-working, wealthy, strong, forceful woman of substance, excellence and ability - who can find such a woman? If you find her oh wise man, according to the word of the Lord you do your best to keep, cherish her, and bless God for giving her to you, for her price in your life is far above rubies.
Much love from me to you.
© AdePero Mettabel, 04/28/13, rewritten March 2016.

Luke 8:46 (AKJV)
And Jesus said, Somebody has touched me: for I perceive that virtue is gone out of me.
Proverbs 31:10-31 (NKJV)
¹⁰ Who can find a virtuous wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.
¹¹ The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
So he will have no lack of gain.
¹² She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
¹³ She seeks wool and flax,
And willingly works with her hands.
¹⁴ She is like the merchant ships,
She brings her food from afar.
¹⁵ She also rises while it is yet night,
And provides food for her household,
And a portion for her maidservants.
¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
From her profits she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷ She girds herself with strength,
And strengthens her arms.
¹⁸ She perceives that her merchandise is good,
And her lamp does not go out by night.
¹⁹ She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hand holds the spindle.
²⁰ She extends her hand to the poor,
Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.
²¹ She is not afraid of snow for her household,
For all her household is clothed with scarlet.
²² She makes tapestry for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
²³ Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.
²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies sashes for the merchants.
²⁵ Strength and honor are her clothing;
She shall rejoice in time to come.
²⁶ She opens her mouth with wisdom,
And on her tongue is the law of kindness.
²⁷ She watches over the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children rise up and call her blessed;
Her husband also, and he praises her:
²⁹ “Many daughters have done well,
But you excel them all.”
³⁰ Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.
³¹ Give her of the fruit of her hands,
And let her own works praise her in the gates.

A glimpse Into a Soul Redeemed by Grace...

Shuffling down the hallway
Each plodding step heavier than the last.
Jangling, chafing, restraining chains.
This is where my feet have brought me
 Consequent to split-second volition
How I wish I could turn back the clock
But alas friendship with time
Is only a one-way street.

I rode high; I had it all
Fame, fortune, front-page news.
Many had hung onto my spoken word~
The very words that now hang over my head.
How did I get here?
How could I have drifted so far?

Bars clanged shut,
Locked with a twist of finality,
Home new home!
Unwelcome digs, in more ways than one:
No warmth rising to greet, only dampness filth and stench.
Patterns in the ceiling, Images formed
Of what could have been but was not,
What should have been, but could now not.

Eerie voices of wounded spirits,
Named, faced, Shouts, mournful wails...
Echoing in the hallways of my mind.
Condemnation indelibly etched on cold gray walls.
The Drip, drip, drip of constant accusations
Pounding holes into my tortured soul.
The only escape: a dark repose.


Transported to another world
One my heart yearns for:
Lights, joy, peace and hope
Even as I know, that it is but a mirage.
Reluctantly awakening my eyes alight
On a worn and frayed envelope
And written on it were the words
‘OPEN ME’…

I pulled out the sheet inside.
These were the words I read:
‘I forgive you
I love you
I see your sin no more
A heart of flesh instead of stone
I will transform you.
I will reform you for mine
I took your place
I bore your sin
That you may be redeemed.
 I will help you if you turn to me.
Place your hand inside of mine
I’ll walk you all the way back home.
My love for you knows no bounds
And there is no sin that I cannot forgive,
No stain I cannot cleanse.
My love for you knows no end.
I AM, The One, who loves you most of all.'

The two thousand and fifty-fifth day dawned bright
The rays of the sun bathing the new day,
Casting the only the slightest of shadows.
It is time to return, my journey back begins.
I take a last look around, strangely nostalgic.
Such precious times in this hellhole,
Which was rightly my penance for dastardly deeds.
My confinement, my refuge
The womb of my rebirth.

My last look, my legacy to the lost.
Laid against the grey-tombed pillow
Which many times had muffled
My anguished prayers and sorrowful sobs...
A pristine envelope
Marked with words I had seen before:
A lifeline for the next lost soul,
Words boldly written, clearly seen
‘OPEN ME’…


© AdePero Mettabel, Originally written 2012,
Rewritten February 27th, 2016.