I never thought I could be this happy, but I am! Sometimes good things come in unexpected packages; This is my story...
I stood across the room, quietly taking in the scene. Anyone seeing me looking serene and beautiful in my lovely, gown, with my exquisite necklace hanging “just so” would think “wow! SHE’S got it so together” “but, they would have been so wrong, because the the chaos that was at this moment, reigning supremely over my messed up thoughts”… ‘Looking fabulous as usual’ Nene trilled as she walked by with her usual laissez-faire attitude. I just had to laugh, because there was no one just quite like Nene… Usually, at this point, she would have grabbed my arm saying in sotto voice “let’s go rock their world”! and we would’ve started making the rounds of the room together. But today my heart was heavy even as I laughed and clinked glasses, while mouthing meaningless social niceties, successfully projecting my façade of absolute serenity and contentment with the world - the fake world of self-preservation that I now lived. The façade firmly in place that sent the message that no matter what anyone thought, everything was “all right” in my world.
But not everything was all right in my world… This was supposed to have been me! This was meant to have been my life, but it was snatched away from me!!! I turned away so that no one would see the ugliness spilling out from my heart, marring my beautifully made-up visage… Hello, darling, another one chirped as she walked by ... My ever-loyal boyfriend came over and wrapped his strong arms around my shoulders, which typically would have made me feel much more secure, but today it had absolutely no effect whatsoever. Dear God!!!, But I did everything right! I did what I was supposed to do!! I was who I was expected to be!!! I prayed, I believed… Why did things turn out the way they did! Why is he the one who seems to have everything together, and I the one who seemingly has nothing to speak of, the one who has nothing to put together to send to my relatives in a greeting card to make them go awww… 'Oh my God, he's coming over!' ... I tried valiantly to keep things together, but I felt myself losing the battle. As I turned around to walk out of the banquet hall, for fear of breaking down completely, and spoiling my big moment, (with my name just about to be announced as the major award recipient for the evening), I heard HIS voice speak to me in a way that stopped me in my tracks… Slowly I turned around, my tears quickly drying up, my shoulders squaring, and I stood taller… All because of the words He'd just whispered in my ear. This was it! This was the validation I’d been waiting for - This was what made everything clear to me … I am loved! 'Hello! It's been a while...' It didn't matter anymore that he was married! It didn't matter anymore that he had his brood of children, and it didn't matter anymore and that I was the one who was right, and he was the one who had been wrong. Everything was OK now… everything was finally the way it should be …
Later that night lying in my comfortable bed, I basked in the light of His love, reminiscing on the beauty of the evening and honor that had been bestowed upon me …. I was finally content. My world was finally right side up! I turned over, my eyes catching on the twinkle of my new engagement ring sparkling in the twilight… The one that almost never was because of how high of a fortress I had built around my heart… The wall that came crashing down today… I sighed and closed my eyes …. And the last words I heard just before I drifted off to sleep, were the words that He had spoken into my ear earlier that evening, the words that had made all the difference, and totally healed my bruised and battered soul … ‘My child do you for one moment imagine that I love him more than I love you? That I would favor him above you? Rest in my love… I LOVE YOU, and I have a plan for you that will very soon be revealed to you… rest in my love’ Yes, with those words everything melted away - The hurt, the anger, the bitterness, the feeling of being the one left out in the cold… I laughed! Oh YES! It had undoubtedly been revealed .. I reached over picked up my ring and slid it onto my finger… The lullaby that rocked me to sleep that night was the old chorus: ‘Yes Jesus loves me, yes Jesus loves me, yes Jesus loves me for the Bible tells me so … I rested.
Blessed is she who is loved, for she shall love and shall be loved in return...
© AdePero Mettabel, November 24, 2012
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